| Quote | Source |
| She thinks the monkey is the Sultan. |
Aladdin, Aladdin |
| Please do not offer my god a peanut. |
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, The Simpsons, “Homer the Heretic” |
| I am beyond a user—the PowerBook never leaves a 6-foot radius of my body. |
Alton Brown |
| But it wasn’t a rock—it was a rock lobster! |
The B-52s, “Rock Lobster” |
| You know what Frank said? Joe Louis is 137 years old. 137 years old! |
Barber, Coming to America |
| It’s easy to be a saint in paradise. |
Ben Sisko, ST:DS9, “The Maquis, Part II” |
| Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy. |
Lloyd Bentsen, to Dan Quayle |
| One, two, three, fourteen. |
Bono, “Vertigo” |
| You’re too late. We’re everywhere. |
Changeling, ST:DS9, “The Adversary” |
| No, I think it’s the opposite of funny. I think it’s…wood. |
Cory Matthews, Boy Meets World |
| There is no end to the hilarity. |
Dave Barry, Dave Barry’s Guide To Computers |
| That ain’t workin’. That’s the way you do it. You play the guitar on the MTV. |
Dire Straits, “Money For Nothing” |
| Hey, Yuri, don’t smush packages...what are you, kidding me? |
DHL Commercial |
| Nice kid, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. |
Foghorn Leghorn |
| Muffins are surprisingly high in calories. The pyramids were built by Sears. |
Frink Sr., The Simpsons, “Treehouse of Horror XIV” |
| What part of “lockbox” don’t you understand? |
Al Gore |
| So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. |
Grandpa Simpson, The Simpsons, “Last Exit to Springfield” |
| Don’t play lawyer-ball with me, son. |
Hank Hill, King of the Hill |
| Don’t panic. |
The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy |
| R17 is not a fixed velocity, but it is clearly far too fast. |
The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy |
| D’oh! |
Homer Simpson |
| I’ll just switch the tapes, and none will be the wiser! |
Homestar Runner |
| I say there, monstrosity, do you know the times? |
Homestar Runner |
| Do me a personal favor. Take the pen. |
Jack Klompus, Seinfeld, “The Pen” |
| What does God need with a starship? |
James Kirk, Star Trek V |
| Are you Jimmy Ray? |
Jimmy Ray, “Are You Jimmy Ray?” |
| I will try some of your burned, replicated bird meat. |
Kurn, ST:TNG, “Sins Of The Father” |
| But what about the rabbits, George? |
Lenny, Of Mice and Men |
| Well excuuuuuuuse me, Princess! |
Link, The Legend of Zelda |
| An ordinary personal computer makes Macintosh even easier to understand. |
Mac Ad, c. 1984 |
| Don’t tase me, bro! |
Andrew Meyer |
| Narf! |
Pinky, Pinky And The Brain |
| I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind. |
Principal Rooney, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off |
| The goggles do nothing! |
Rainier Wolfcastle, The Simpsons, “Radioactive Man” |
| A Jose Conseco bat? |
Raphael, TMNT |
| Is everybody in this goddamn house named Bobby Ricigliano? |
Ricardo, Made |
| Yeah. That’s my per diem. So who do I give it to? |
Ricky Slade, Made |
| The universe is a spheroid region 705 meters in diameter. |
Ship's Computer, ST:TNG, “Remember Me” |
| We have our own version of Office: “Silly Office” for Mac. It comes in a plastic box! |
Some random post on an MSDN blog |
| You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? |
Steven Wright |
| Rupert, did you call that engineer at Lockheed yet? |
Stewie, Family Guy, “Brian: Portrait Of A Dog” |
| I’m going to make Gretzky’s head bleed for Super Fan Number 99 over here. |
Trent, Swingers |
| Michael, is he clean? Invite him in for cocktails. |
Trent, Swingers |
| You don’t know where I’ve been, Lou. You don’t know where I’ve been! |
Tyler Durden, Fight Club |
| Sure, I heard of grits. I just never actually seen a grit before. |
Vinny, My Cousin Vinny |
| Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch? |
Wayne Brady, Chappelle's Show |
| Ah, what do you know from funny? |
White Guy In Barber Shop, Coming To America |
